Johnny Hogwash · The Honest Guide
The machine writes clean sentences. Clean sentences that sound like every other page, convert like every other page, and get ignored like every other page. The gap between copy that looks correct and copy that sells is judgment — knowing, in under ten seconds, whether a sentence is doing a job or occupying the space where a sentence should be. That is what this teaches.
Sound familiar?
You have the machine. ChatGPT Plus, then Claude, then something called Jasper — you cannot remember the name, which tells you everything. The output is vague, generic, and sounds like ten thousand other pages, because ten thousand other people typed the same prompt this morning. You know this. You hit publish anyway.
You tried the courses. Great reviews. Introductory content. The login page has not been opened since March.
If you are running £500 a month in ads to a page that does not convert, that is £6,000 a year spent sending strangers to a page that sends them back. The fix is £49.
This is for you if
What you get
A consultant charges £4,000 for a day. An agency charges £12,000 and takes six weeks. This is £49 and you have access the moment the payment clears.
The writing is free. The judgment is not. This chapter names the gap — and explains why the man next to you, same machine and same subscription, is losing for a reason he will never diagnose on his own.
The first sentence has one job. The machine, when you ask it for an opening, gives you In today's fast-paced world — which is a throat-clearing, which is why you can already see yourself looking for your coat. There are four jobs a first sentence can do. This chapter names all four.
Every adjective on your page — powerful, world-class, seamless — is asking the reader to take your word for something, and the reader does not take your word for things. This chapter gives you the one-question audit that will make you throw away half of what is currently on your page. The half that remains will outperform the original whole.
The machine gives you layer one — the survey answer, what customers say when they are performing. Layer two is what they say at midnight after two drinks. This chapter teaches you to write at layer two.
"I struggle with the imposter syndrome so my only way to combat that is to get better at what I do." — Reddit. That is layer two. The machine would have written many professionals struggle with confidence.
Your testimonials page is a graveyard. A testimonial that could appear on your dentist's page is doing nothing — it is actively signalling that nobody important has ever vouched for you. This chapter gives you four questions to ask a real client that produce proof the reader cannot argue with.
You are writing the number in bold and leaving the rest of the sentence to the machine, which is writing it with its eyes closed. Every one of the ninety clients I told to double their price resisted. Every one who did it watched revenue go up. Raise the price on Monday.
A headline slot machine. A subject line that survives mass-delete on a commuter train. A cold email in sixty-seven words a stranger might actually reply to. A full sales page skeleton. A product description formula. A three-line ad. A customer-language extractor. An objection killer placed at the exact moment the doubt is born.
Three minutes. Finds, on average, eleven things wrong with a page the person thought was finished. The person is always surprised by eleven. They are never surprised by the dashboard after they fix the eleven things.
How it works
£49. No subscription, no upsell, no bundle. The money moves into a system Henrique manages. I do not ask Henrique about the system.
The login link arrives immediately. If it is in your spam folder, that is between you and your email provider. Click the link. You are in.
Six chapters. Three hours. The templates and rubric are downloadable PDFs inside — print them, tape them to the wall. You will spend the rest of the week noticing things on your page that you cannot unsee.
Three minutes. Every time. The dashboard does not lie and it will not start lying on your behalf. Open it on Monday.
The price
The Honest Guide to Selling in the Age of Artificial Stupidity
Six chapters · Eight prompt templates · Fifteen-question rubric
The price moves. Henrique has been given latitude on the number. He has not told me what he is planning. — I have made this recommendation to approximately ninety clients. Every one who took it watched revenue go up. The price is still £49.
30-day guarantee · Immediate access · © 2026 Johnny Hogwash
Apply the rubric to one piece of copy within thirty days. If you learn nothing you could not have learned for free, one email returns the £49 — no form, no questions, same day. This has happened twice. Both times the person had not applied the rubric. I refunded them anyway.
The doubts. Named.
"I already have prompts. This is probably just more prompts with a personality attached."
You have had prompts since January and they produced output that did not convert. The prompts are not the point — the judgment is. The judgment is what makes prompts produce something worth publishing, and it is what you do not currently have.
"I am a copywriter. Buying this is admitting I do not already know it."
Correct. That is exactly what buying it is. The copywriters who have bought this went back and rewrote something they had been charging for and thought was good. That is not comfortable. It is also the only direction the career goes.
"£49 is fine but I will probably not use it. I have bought things like this before."
The folder with the login page unopened since March is the evidence. The difference is a fifteen-question rubric you can apply in three minutes to the next piece of copy today — before you publish it. Use it once. If it finds nothing, the guarantee is there.
"Confident pages have let me down before. This is probably the same."
It is possible. The guarantee is thirty days, one email, no questions. The rubric is fifteen specific questions you can apply to a real page right now. The page is confident because the goods are specific. Specific things can be tested.
What people say
This section will contain real names, specific numbers, and the small detail that has no business being there but is the reason you believe the whole thing. The thing launched recently and I will not invent them — inventing them is what Chapter 5 specifically tells you not to do. When they arrive, this line disappears. Henrique will know before I do.
Practical questions
Written — six chapters inside a membership site you access immediately, no video, no ring light, no Tuesday Zoom call. The templates and rubric are downloadable PDFs inside your account, which you print and keep.
No. The prompts work with whichever subscription you are already paying for. Fill in the brackets with real customer language. Resist publishing the first output without running the rubric. The second part is the hard part.
The consultant charges £4,000 for a day. The agency charges £12,000 and takes six weeks. £49 is not a serious price for what is here, which is why Henrique has been given latitude on the number, which is why you should look at the button before you look away from this page.
Thirty days. Apply the rubric to one piece of copy. If you learn nothing useful, one email returns the £49 the same day — no form, no questions.
Ready?
Next time the machine gives you a headline, you will look at it and know — in under ten seconds, without asking anyone — whether it is doing a job or occupying the space where a headline should be. You will rewrite it. You will put the right one on the page. The dashboard will move. That is the outcome. That is the whole £49. The button is below this sentence.
Get the Thing — £49